When I finished part 1 of this work, I had discovered my fears and examined them close up. Now it’s time to look at the behaviors these fears lead to. I’ve come up with several. These traits never show at home with my family, but only outside the house where I don’t feel quite so secure.
My fears tend to manifest in three main ways:
- I tend to keep myself secluded from, well, everything. I avoid gatherings, social functions, and pretty much anything that involves groups of people, no matter how much I have in common with them. I much prefer the safety and security of home.
- Not being able to relax around people. I always feel the need to be on guard. For what, I’m not exactly sure, but I suspect it’s a case of being prepared for the trauma my subconscious seems to think is always about to erupt.
- Not being my authentic self to others, or in other words, being too nice. I am forever being too nice to people, even when they don’t deserve it. I think this is because I’m always trying to avoid conflict. I hate conflict and drama.
The need for control. It’s never far behind anything, is it? I find that my need for control doesn’t extend to other people so much as it influences my actions. Controlling my environment, or at least what environment I’m in, is the way I deal with feeling insecure, so I stay away from gatherings. Not being able to relax around people is me controlling myself so not to be vulnerable to insult or injury. Not being my authentic self is me trying to control the exchange between myself and someone else I’m not sure of.
What could I gain from letting go of this fear and control? Simply put, freedom. The freedom to be my authentic self. The freedom to enjoy and contribute at social gatherings. Most of all, the blessings of gaining good will, positive energy, and wisdom from people in the moment, something I have a very hard time doing now.
The past taught me many lessons. The biggest lesson I learned was that lack of control led to fear, pain, hate, and doubt. I don’t ever want to feel those things at those levels again. My subconscious mind knows this and tries it’s best to protect me. It protects me by limiting my exposure to other people and uncertain situations. But these lessons no longer apply.
My subconscious is holding on to lessons learned that have no relation to the life I currently live. They are hindering me instead of keeping me safe, as they once did. There are several things I learned that can help me move beyond these lessons and put them, my fears, and my need for control to rest.
- Visualization – Visualization is the language of the subconscious. By using visualization, you can let your subconscious know what you need now when there is no other way to speak to it.
- Meditation – Meditation allows us to tap into our true authentic selves and use our inner wisdom to guide us where we need to go or in what we need to let go of.
- Ritual – Ritual allows us to express our thoughts and feelings in the physical world. It enables us to manifest our intent and purpose here on earth from the seeds in our hearts.
I’ll probably use at least two of these methods, if not all three, in exercises to clear my root chakra. That will be the next post for chakra work.